Holiday high jinks are in full swing

WELL in to the school break now and plenty of evidence of unsavoury holiday high jinks. Weymouth’s shopkeepers are battling to keep their heads above water and definitely didn’t need one annoying six-year-old boy who grabbed a sandal from a pavement stand display as he walked by a shoe shop and danced along St Thomas Street with it on his head.

His mother then shouted at him to join her further up the street, so he simply let the sandal drop to the pavement and ran off to join her. She didn’t tell him off for taking the sandal nor did she tell him to replace it or make the effort to replace it herself. Good parenting.

Elsewhere those leaving the multi-storey car park were startled to see a woman in a people carrier emerge on to Commercial Road having driven the wrong way down St Alban Street! Always nice to see a motorist doing their bit to keep other drivers on their toes.

Then we had mobility scooter madness with pedestrians having to leap out of the way when an ageing speedy Gonzales suddenly decided to turn sharp left in a crowd. A few promising ballet stars revealed there.

Finally there are the “Un-Dead”, those visitors whose minds haven’t just been put on holiday stand-by but have been switched off altogether.

An absolute classic example of this came at Weymouth Railway Station where a couple, suitcases by their side, were engaging in a lively conversation.

Nothing wrong with that unless the conversation was conducted while they stood in the middle of the only available public car parking spaces seemingly oblivious of several drivers politely waiting for them to move out of the way. They only got the hint when one driver drove into a space and almost right up to them.

Be on your guard. These challenges are out there and they don’t take prisoners.

Not such a secret military mission after all

THE American military, eh?! Overpaid, oversexed and over here giving ordinary English residents a hard time.

A Weymouth woman was in a car driving along a country road in Dorset when a weird machine came overhead and proceeded to hover over a field to allow soldiers to abseil down. The plane then landed and the soldiers were taken on board, the procedure being repeated.

The unusual aircraft, tentatively identified as an Osprey, has propellers which act like a helicopter to lift the aircraft into the air. The propellers can also swing into their traditional position on a wing to propel it forward.

Naturally such an unusual occurrence saw the woman’s car pull into a layby to join a number of other interested onlookers.

Enter the American military – guests in this country – who then proceeded to order onlookers not to photograph the aircraft and the operation as it was secret, classified or some such nonsense.

Only the Americans would have the gall to suggest that something displayed and carried out next to a busy public road was secret.

If it was secret then hold it in a remote place and cordon it off, but don’t go round telling ordinary residents what to do in their own country when you are a guest.

As a footnote, the Americans walked away and shortly after that a man with a large camera lens took great pleasure in snapping off dozens of photos.

Perhaps he could sell them to the Americans’ PR department which clearly isn’t that busy!

Hidden history at museum

WEYMOUTH’S Chapelhay area is well known for suffering houses reduced to rubble because of bombing during the Second World War but it actually has much older ruins.

In fact, the remains in question go back nearly 2,000 years to the time of the Romans. Invading legions scorned using Weymouth’s boggy location for anything other than a supply port to serve the seat of power they set up in what is now Dorchester. No change there then!

But as time went by at least one leading Roman felt the effort to live in Weymouth was worthwhile and had a town house or a small villa built in what is now Chapelhay.

We know this because a section of mosaic laid down in one of the rooms is actually on display in Weymouth Museum at Brewers Quay.

Even the colours are still striking despite the passage of nearly two millennia and it provides a fascinating window on just how mosaics were made.

It just goes to show what you can discover with a stroll round your local museum.

‘Must have’ for OAPs

WALKING canes are the subject of this week’s Growing Old Disgracefully spot. Apart from helping to prevent pavements being strewn with overbalanced pensioners, a little bit of adaptation can turn a walking cane into a very useful weapon for the elderly in this age of assaults on vulnerable people.

Get approached by some cocky street thug asking if you’ve “got any spare change” and it is a delight to watch his smirk dissolve in a cloud of MACE released from the bottom of the cane by pressing a simple button on the handle.

Other uses include twisting the cane handle to pull out a sword to help create space in queues at the chemist and another button which activates a concealed flatulence horn, so useful in clearing people away from tables in a busy cafe.

Yes, the walking cane is this year’s “must have” for OAPs. Don’t leave home without it.

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60 SECOND INTERVIEW: Joanna Smith

JOANNA Smith is a teacher and writer and has been teaching creative writing in Lyme Regis and Uplyme since 2008. She has written three films that were shot in Southern Africa and her book ‘Lesser Known Lyme Regis’ was published by Roving Press last year.

WHERE did your love of writing come from?

It’s hard to say! I started scribbling stories as soon as I could hold a pencil. Like most people though, I just stopped writing fiction as soon as I left school and poured all my writing energy into letters and journals and the odd newspaper article. It took me a couple of decades to get back to fiction.

WHAT were you doing before you moved to Lyme Regis?

I did a degree in English literature in London, a postgraduate degree in education from Cambridge University and taught English in Tanzania and Leamington Spa before arriving in Mozambique in 1994. I stayed in Maputo for 13 years, teaching literature at the university, training teachers and writing film scripts. It was a really interesting and positive time to be there – when I arrived the civil war had just ended and people were very keen to start rebuilding their lives. There was a great sense of possibility and so much to get involved in. 

WHAT was it like working in the film industry in Southern Africa?

I started writing English subtitles for the major film company in Mozambique and was asked if I’d like to try writing a script. What a dream! The company gave me lots of valuable feedback and were extremely encouraging – conditions that were perfect for waking up my dormant creativity. I’ve tried to replicate this kind of environment in my writing groups. 

YOU also wrote “Lesser Known Lyme Regis”?

Bee Painton at Serendip suggested I should write it, as she didn’t have anything up-to-date and reliable to offer visitors. I loved getting to know the town really well and interviewing people for the book – there are so many passionate and interesting people in Lyme. It took ages to write though, as many of the best stories (anything to do with smugglers and underground tunnels and hidden chambers) were so hard to prove. I lived in fear of perpetuating myths. In a way, it was a relief to return to fiction!

WHAT inspired you to set up the Black Dog Writing Group?

I came to live in Lyme with my five-year-old daughter and so my first priority was to find work that fitted around her. For the first year I worked as a carer but missed being around people involved with books and writing. My main loves were teaching and writing fiction so I decided to put these together and teach creative writing. 

HOW does one join the writing group? 

I currently run five groups and see some writers individually. I teach a structured course, introducing the elements of fiction such as plot, dialogue, point of view and characterization. We also work hard on developing a writing habit and ignoring the mean snipings of our inner critic. Creative writing is a wonderful subject to teach as people gain in confidence and ability remarkably quickly and the groups become very close. You get to know and trust each other very well when you share writing. I also see several individuals who can’t join a group or who are more interested in working on a specific project such as a novel or memoir. 

HOW often do the groups meet?

We meet once a week. Every year I teach three blocks of ten sessions, following the school terms. I start a new group every January and then the group stays together. If anyone would like to go on the waiting list, all the details can be found on my website: www.blackdogwriting.co.uk Each block costs £100. 

THE writing group has released several books? 

I produce a book of “Stories from the Black Dog” every December. This year will be the sixth volume. All the students submit their best work;  it’s a real thrill for everyone to see their stories in print and the book makes a very handy Christmas present!

WHICH three people would you most like to discuss literature with?

I tend to enjoy books by people I’d like to meet; wise people who I feel could teach me about life as well as literature. My current top three are probably Marilynne Robinson, Elizabeth Strout, Tove Jansson and Sarah Waters. (Sorry, maths was never my strong suit!) 

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The complexities of social media

AXMINSTER Town Council never seem to be too far from controversy these days. 

The latest incident to ruffle the feathers down at the Guildhall concerns, what was to me, a somewhat innocuous tweet. 

Said communiqué from Councillor Hayward referenced a lyric – “It’s gettin’ hot in here” – from a track by American rap artist Nelly. 

Now, if you were to hunt down and watch the accompanying video to the song – ‘Hot In Herre’ – you’d find it contains a fair share of naked flesh and that it’s unlikely to be shown on daytime TV anytime soon. 

So, said tweet came with the hashtag warning #NSFW – meaning “Not Suitable For Work”. Which perfectly sums up the ‘Hot In Herre’ video. 

Was it inappropriate for a councillor to be referencing said track in a council related tweet? Probably. 

Was it a bit odd he chose to do so in the first place? Definitely.

But fellow councillors went on to accuse Councillor Hayward of sending a tweet “of a pornographic nature” – is that really true?

For starters, a hashtag isn’t really a link at all - it’s a label used on social media to group together messages with a similar theme. 

And, bearing in mind this hashtag is used to signify material “Not Suitable For Work”, what do you expect to find if you search for examples of tweets marked #NSFW?

Whether or not you deem Nelly’s video as pornography, the fact is the offending tweet didn’t include a traditional hyperlink to either that video or anything else for that matter.

Now, if all this talk of tweets and hashtags is making you feel very old and yearning for the simpler, more innocent times of the 20th century – I’m with you. 

But if you obviously don’t understand something, why pretend you do and accuse someone of something so serious? 

In my mind, all Councillor Hayward is guilty of here is making me recall a rather annoying Top Five hit from 13 years ago.          

JAMES COLES

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60 SECOND INTREVIEW: John & Vicky Grindle

JOHN & Vicky Grindle run West Dorset Foodie, a blog dedicated to promoting the areas food and producers. They, with the help of other contributors, have been running the blog since 2011.

TELL us who you are and what you do?
We are John and Vicky Grindle, two passionate foodies who enjoy great food. We are also lucky enough to have chef Ali Smith on our team who writes about the wonderful foodie producers in West Dorset. Our aim is to promote the areas wonderful local food producers, restaurants, pubs, hotels, cafes, etc. especially the seafood! It has been so successful that we now have East Dorset & North Dorset Foodies and in the next few weeks we’ll hopefully be appointing a Purbeck Foodie! We don't get paid for our work, we do it just to promote the wonderful Dorset food.

WHEN did you decide to start the West Dorset Foodie?
Our daughter-in-law, who is half of Bristol Foodie, gave us the inspiration to start our blog and in October 2011 West Dorset Foodie was born. Luckily our son has his own web hosting business and after 41 years working in IT, developing the website wasn't a problem for John!

IS Bridport and West Dorset becoming a foodie destination?
I think it is already a foodie destination. I have a regular stream of emails from visiting foodies wanting to know the best restaurants to eat in during their visit to West Dorset. Luckily, we are blessed with a great diversity of foodie outlets, from an award-winning transport café, to Dorset's only Michelin starred restaurant. Plus we have some of the best food festivals in the country and huge amounts of people plan their visits around these events.

HOW do you decide who gets the West Dorset Foodie treatment?
We like to help promote new businesses, so we keep our ears to the ground, usually through Twitter or by word of mouth for new restaurants or foodie suppliers opening in the area. We also help established businesses with new promotions/refurbishments/menus, etc.

HOW often are you surprised by the food in Bridport and the surrounding area?
I think the only thing that surprises us in Bridport area is the huge diversity of the highly skilled artesian producers and chefs. Many are locals, but many have moved from the cities for a better life in rural Dorset.

HOW often will someone from West Dorset foodie be reviewing a restaurant or event?
Our aim is to write at least two or three blogs a month, but during the summer festival season this will increase to possibly five or six!

AT your ultimate dinner party what would you serve to guests?
It would have to be a tapas style meal, with lots of Dorset's wonderful seafood and fresh organic vegetables. All would be washed down with a bottle or two of Dorset's multi award winning sparkling wines. Which is exactly what John has planned for his big birthday in October!

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Please help to save mobile library stops

BOOKS have been a much loved part of my life since I was a child.

When I lived in rural Devon and Wiltshire in the 1960s and 1970s the arrival of the library van in my village was quite an occasion.

Now I’ve lived in Weymouth for 35 years and the county council is asking everyone’s opinion over proposals to scrap three out of four mobile library stops and cut the number of mobile library vehicles.

I will be telling the survey that I don’t think this should be done, not because it will affect me but because it will affect those for whom this vital service is a literary lifeline.

The rural elderly in particular enjoy a book brought to their door, not least because they may not have access to or be able to use transport or perhaps because they can’t afford, don’t like or can’t use electronic books.

But my concern at this service threat goes a little deeper than that because those of us with long memories can remember a few years ago when the county council “consulted” us on the mass closure of libraries.

Much good our opposition to that did with nearly a dozen libraries being shut down in the name of making savings.

Now the dust has settled from that it seems that DCC needs to save a few more pounds and this time it is the mobile library service which is in its sights.

I said then – and I will repeat it now – that it is but a short step from scrapping books to burning books.

If the county council wants our opinions on whether mobile library services should be retained then don’t just say “yes” but tell DCC to keep its budget saving hands off the whole library service.

The authority promises that mobile library service users won’t be left without alternative access to the library service but, if a mobile library van stop at a remote point is withdrawn, just how are they going to keep those people in touch with books?

And don’t forget. The consultation has only just started yet DCC say they plan to complete it, go through all public comments, collate survey results, reach a decision on what to do and implement it all by the end of March 2016. Not much time, eh... unless they’ve already made their minds up.

Supermarket deals not such a bargain after all!

WHAT a surprise! Supermarkets have been conning us all about the true value of their “deals”.

An investigation has revealed that shoppers all over Weymouth and Portland and the rest of the country have been duped by honey-worded offers which turn out to actually cost people money instead of saving them cash.

This column has highlighted these so called offers on more than one occasion and pointed out that a decent grasp of arithmetic exposes them for the rip off they are.

Take this week. One supermarket had a 200g punnet of raspberries on sale for £1.50 yet its 300g one cost £2.50 or at least 25 pence more than it should have.

Not everyone is good at maths, can work out for themselves just what the saving is – if any – and is prepared to spend the time doing so, nor should they have to.

An offer should be clear and mean what it says not be an exercise in pulling the wool over shoppers’ eyes.

A couple of examples cited by the national investigation show one supermarket offering four tins of sweet corn for £2 and then offering a “bargain” of six for £3.59! Not even close to good value.

There was the inventive use of price rises employed by another supermarket which first increased the price of its pizza from £1 to £1.50 and then made a “special offer” of two for £2... which just happens to be £1 each or the same price they were originally charging!

Life is hard enough as it is without have to play guessing games with supermarket giants so, if you spot one of these fake offers, don’t just grumble. Report it to Trading Standards or Which? because they wield a much bigger stick than we do to keep the giants in line.

Leave it to a professional

THIS week’s Growing Old Disgracefully spot looks at hair rinses, blue and otherwise.

There is nothing wrong with elderly women – or men – seeking to change their growing amounts of white hair and shade them to the colour of their choice.

Young people colour their hair, so why not pensioners?

The only note of caution should be sounded in favour of getting it professionally done and not on the cheap in the bathroom with a packet of dye from your local DIY shop.

This can have horrendous results which can mentally scar anyone unfortunate to see the new style in the light of day. Army camouflage with a hint of fluorescent orange features in few hairdressing catalogues.

So take the trouble to go down to your local perm merchant. They need the money and always welcome a good laugh when you say: “It costs how much?!”

The results always pass muster in public and can be a talking point round the care home over the morning porridge.

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A weekend underneath the stars

WITH Philip and Jackie on leave for two-and-a-half weeks - by far the longest break they’ve had in the 14 years I’ve worked with them - a few of us here in the office prepared for a tough fortnight or so without them by making a pilgrimage across the border to Dorset’s biggest music festival - Camp Bestival.

I’d thought my festivaling days were over and hadn’t supplemented my love of live music by bookending a day of entertainment with a night under canvas for a good five years or more.

But this year I was persuaded by a good line-up (and good company, of course) to dust off the tent and wellie boots (the latter thankfully not needed, what with the glorious weather we had over the weekend) to make the trip to Lulworth Castle.

Rapidly approaching middle age, my highlights of the weekend included some of the ‘heritage’ acts the bill had to offer. 

Buzzcocks proved that having a beard and a bus pass on the way is no hindrance to playing blistering pop punk like it was 1978.

Alison Moyet played a fantastic, hits-filled set with plenty of Eighties classics from both her solo career and time as one half of genre defining synthpop duo Yazoo.

And a sweary Bob Geldof roused the crowds on a sunny Sunday afternoon with his performance, featuring - as you’d expect - a number of Boomtown Rats numbers.

Our thanks to festival curators Josie and Rob Da Bank and their team for our annual invite!

Entertainment editor Rob Larcombe will review the festival in full in a future edition.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to wish Philip and Jackie’s eldest daughter, Zoe, all the very best for her wedding day on Saturday from myself and on behalf of the rest of the Pulman’s View team.  It’s also the boss’ birthday, so bound to be a bumper celebration for sure!      

     

JAMES COLES

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How did I have time for a full-time job?

WHEN I walked in to Weymouth Pavilion Ocean Room to give a short speech at full council confirming my semi-retirement and thanking everyone for their help over the last 40 years I never expected to get such a welcome.

People came on foot, by taxi and by car, some of them travelling considerable distances. There were nearly 80 of us there and I’d like to think that some of those attending were due to me and not to the popularity of an agenda item on public complaints about dog poo!

Whatever the reason for people being there, it was nice to be able to thank so many different groups I have worked with down the years.

Inevitably I will have missed some people and organisations simply because of the volume of people who know me, but I meant no disrespect.

When I sat down I was given a standing ovation and I was also grateful and touched by the number of kind comments made about my coverage of the Weymouth and Portland area since I first moved down here in 1980.

The Mayor even presented me with a vintage bottle of wine and a special retirement card on behalf of the council, a nice and very unexpected touch which I really appreciated.

It was a true evening of nostalgia and I never realised just how many stories I’d written which had struck a chord with the community until the same members of that community reminded me of them when we met later in the Piano Bar or The Boot for a drink and a natter.

A particular thank-you must go to the council itself which, because of the circumstances, allowed me a little more licence time-wise than the normal three minutes given to public speakers. I hope I didn’t overrun that much!

Finally I’d like help answering a question that apparently a lot of other people have asked when they became semi-retired or retired. How the devil did I have the time to hold down a full-time job as well as all the things I seem to be doing now?!

A barbaric way to kill a fox however you change the details

PROPOSALS which would relax the ban on fox hunting have been hastily put on ice by the Government which feared getting a bloody nose.

The postponement came after the Scottish National Party said it would vote against the proposals meaning the reforms were unlikely to win a majority in a free House of Commons vote where three Dorset MPs said they would support the change.

The proposals would make it legal for foxes to be hunted with packs of dogs instead of just two, provided it was “appropriate” for the terrain and done “efficiently”.

One of the grounds for this change is to bring England and Wales in line with Scotland which already allows dog packs.

The first point to make is, why bring us in line with Scotland? Why not bring Scotland in line with us? And the answer is, because the hunting fraternity don’t want it done this way.

What they do want is a chance to widen their ability to hunt foxes in England and Wales.

This particular fox hunting gambit is a wolf disguised in sheep’s clothing with all sorts of reasonable arguments from the need to protect livestock to what is claimed to be a simple desire to level an inconsistency between English and Scottish law.

But the bottom line is killing foxes.

Three Dorset MPs back the proposed move, one of whom claims it is only a “technical” change. I suppose that depends on whether you are technically going to get savaged to death or not.

As with all these things, the Devil is in the detail because what is “efficiently”? And who decides what is “appropriate”?

The ban was brought in on a wave of public support because people felt that to hunt a fox with a pack of hounds followed by red-coated country cavalry was barbaric.

Nothing has changed. It is still barbaric. Hopefully the proposals will stay on ice.

Excluded from my own garden

IT comes to something when you are reduced to the role of skulking round your own garden.

I recently mentioned that a seagull chick’s initial flight from a neighbour’s roof saw it crash land in our garden. Well, it is still here.

So are the parents who make their displeasure known every time we go out into the garden by alarm cries, dive bombing us and releasing air-to-ground seagull poo and vomit missiles.

This is fraying nerves because we’ve never had this before and often forget we do now, ambling out forgetful of the situation to pick a few vegetables only to be scared out of our wits by a seagull strafing sortie.

All this without mentioning that the area closest to the house is starting to look like a midden or some artist’s “early ordure period” entry for the Turner Prize.

Bird experts assure me that the chick’s wing feathers are quite advanced and that it could take to the air soon. Not soon enough for me.

My only hope is that if the chick lives and if it survives to take flight that it doesn’t somehow develop fond memories of our property as home. Just go away and stay away!

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