Buttered side up... sometimes
IF you join me in being among those who bemoan the fact that toast always lands buttered side down on the carpet, there is hope for us all yet.
That hope for an occasional stroke of good luck is offered by a recent incident in Abbotsbury Road, Weymouth, where an elderly man came out of the post office and made his way slowly but surely towards the post box.
He was almost within reach of it when a gust of wind blew the white envelope he was carrying out of his hand.
What happened next only confirms my cynical view of life that what can go wrong will go wrong because the envelope, instead of fluttering to the pavement at his feet, promptly blew straight into the busy road.
Annoyance could have turned to tragedy because the pensioner was clearly worried and distracted, showing every sign of trying to dart into the road to retrieve his post.
But if carpets everywhere seem covered in butter then very occasionally the piece of toast lands clean side down because another gust of wind incredibly picked the envelope up and blew it back on to the pavement right to the feet of the pensioner who gratefully picked it up.
To pay up or not to pay up
POST is also the theme for a whole lot of different trouble.
A card informed me that mail had been withheld from my home because postage had not been paid and a penalty was due, so I went down to the sorting office and there faced a dilemma.
Staff were quite happy to give me the post if I paid the £1.30 penalty, but they wouldn’t let me open the post first to check I wasn’t paying for some useless letter such as a financial scam from Nigeria.
What made my mind up to pay was the fact that the sorting office apparently had more than a score of identical letters with penalties waiting for collection.
I reasoned that paying for mine might help the overall situation by revealing who had been causing so much grief.
But when I paid up and slit open my post I found out it had been sent to me from a local charity I am a member of!
Off I went home, rang them up and solved the mystery in a few seconds.
Their quarterly newsletter had been sent out but the person doing so had left all the stamps off! Red faces all round and a much bigger postage bill for the charity.
Coast path gateway
WEYMOUTH is to be the gateway for the all-England coast path.
Details of how the path will be created have been outlined in Natural England’s coastal access scheme which has now been approved by the government.
Work to implement the coastal path at Weymouth can now begin so rights are in place in time for the 2012 Olympics.
Natural England will be working in partnership with Dorset County Council whole environment director Miles Butler said: “We warmly welcome this announcement.
“Dorset has some of the finest coastline in the country and arguably some of the best access to it, particularly Dorset’s section of the 630-mile South West Coast Path National Trail.
“It is exciting that work to implement the route will start in Weymouth, providing joined-up coastal access in time for Dorset to host the sailing events of the 2012 Olympics.
“The scheme will help local people and visitors enjoy even better access to our outstanding coastline, part of the Jurassic Coast World Heritage Site.
“We can now begin the important task of consulting with landowners, businesses and local people to ensure their needs are addressed and that we protect as well as boost enjoyment of our unique coastline.”
The final approved scheme outlines some of the ground rules for the new coastal path.
It details, among other things, how the route will be aligned, what approach will be taken on estuaries, how the four-metre wide trail will be accommodated alongside other land uses and the sort of areas such as beaches, dunes and headlands that are likely to be treated as “spreading room” where people can rest, relax and enjoy a picnic en route.
Don't get stuck in your chair!
RESTAURANTS across Weymouth and Portland rely on their facilities and menu to draw customers in, but some are increasingly having to deal with heavyweight inquiries.
A number of customers have been phoning in to make sure that the chair they are given for their table does not have arms.
Apparently this is because they are so overweight that their buttocks risk becoming jammed in such chairs.
Embarrassing situations have emerged where the customer has got up to leave after a meal only to find themselves stuck in their chair, held in place by the arms.
The solution from their point of view seems to be to check with the restaurant ahead of a visit and ask for an armless chair so that their body shape can spread out over the chair seat in safety without risk of getting stuck!
Potholes... again!
SORRY to carry on moaning about potholes but it is getting beyond a joke.
Never mind holes in the road, how about monster holes in car parks?
Some of the ones opposite Debenhams in Weymouth are nearly hubcap deep and I saw a motorcyclist almost come off his machine after plunging into one as he looked about for a space.
The council is trying to repair them as fast as it can but it needs to get a move on. There are only seven months to go until November is here, the frost is back and we can all look forward to damage resuming if we get a winter even nearly as cold as the one we’ve just had.
www.viewfromonline.co.uk
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