Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Beware of those election promises when you go to the polls

VOTING starts in elections for Weymouth and Portland council in just 24 hours time, but will it be Heaven for your councillor standing for re-election or will it be Hell? 

It would be wrong to influence your political leanings, so I’ll leave you with a little humour to consider. 

A councillor was walking down the street one day when he was tragically hit by a truck and died. 

His soul arrived in Heaven and was met by St Peter at the entrance who said: “Welcome to Heaven. Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. You see, we rarely see a man of public office round here, so we're not sure what to do with you.” 

The man said: “'No problem, just let me in.” 

But St Peter replied: “Well I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend Eternity.” 

The councillor barely thought and said he’d already made up his mind and wanted to be in Heaven, but St Peter said rules were rules. 

And with that, he escorted the councillor to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors opened and he found himself in the middle of a wonderful restaurant. Sat at every table were all his friends and other councillors who had worked with him.

Everyone was very happy and in evening dress. They stood to greet him, shake his hand and reminisce about the good times they had while getting residents to pay for them. They enjoyed a friendly conversation and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. 

Also present was the Devil who was really a very friendly and amiable man who had a good time pouring wine and telling jokes. They were having such a good time that, almost before the councillor realised it, his time was up and he had to leave. 

Everyone gave him a hearty farewell and waved while the lift rose, going up, up, up until the door reopened on Heaven. 

St Peter was waiting for him and said: “Now it's time to visit Heaven.” 

So another 24 hours passed with the councillor joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They had a good time and, before he realised it, the day had gone by. 

St Peter returned and asked him: “Well, then. You've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your Eternity.” 

The councillor reflected for a minute, then answered: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean, Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.” 

So St Peter escorted him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. 

But when the lift doors opened the councillor found himself in the middle of a barren landscape covered in waste and rubbish. 

He saw all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up discarded cans, dog waste and old cigarette packets which they were putting into black bags while more rubbish fell on them from the sky. 

The Devil came over to him and put his arm around his shoulder as the councillor said: “I don't understand. Yesterday I was here and there was a lovely restaurant and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, chatted and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable. What happened?” 

The Devil looked at him, smiled and said: “Yesterday we were campaigning… Today you voted.” 

So, when it’s your turn to vote, make sure your newly elected councillor remembers all those election promises!

A good deed is still a good deed 

HUNDREDS of people turned out for the recent Party in the Park run by community radio station Air FM. 

It was a lovely family event and there were nearly 40 stalls on show to tempt visitors.
Those there early watching everything being set up were quick to realise that one stallholder was having a bit of trouble. 

So they offered their help, she gratefully accepted and a number of bags, boxes or containers were carried on to the grassy area containing the stalls. 

It was a really Good Samaritan effort but the deprecating helpers felt they didn’t deserve praise because they were just doing their bit with a community event. 

But they were particularly interested in the person they had helped and they asked her what type of stall she was planning to set up and run that day.

They were a little stunned to be told that all the stuff they had carried was not actually for a stall. 

Oh no, it wasn’t for a stall! Everything belonged to a family which had come down to the party in the Park… and they’d brought their picnic with them, hadn’t they! 
One of the helpers told me: “You’ve got to laugh. I had to see the funny side of things!” 

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