Last barbecue of the summer

WELL, believe it or not, summer is over and we’re officially into autumn, a period of occasional sunshine, scudding clouds and brisk temperatures... just like summer was.

Being something of a diehard in these matters, the sight of barbecues being desperately fired up all over Portland and Weymouth encouraged us to join the closet arsonists for a last blaze in what has largely been an eminently forgettable holiday season.

We had guests over to huddle round the shimmering charcoal with seats carefully rotated so no one got hypothermia from our daring outdoors adventure.

Typically I overestimated how much charcoal we needed and, when an unseasonal sun decided to come out from behind clouds and beat down on us, we found ourselves caught between two hot spots.

This forced us to do that most un-British of things… remove our coats, pretend all was well and try and put out a fire in our flower border.

Neighbours on their last day of a three-week holiday in the teeth of a terrible August looked on enviously as we cracked open the wine, muttering about having to go back to work the next day and asking if our sweetcorn and chilli chicken was as nice as it looked.

I couldn’t answer because I was in my traditional position in the middle of a cloud of smoke fighting to save the remains of the food, but it was nice of them to ask.

It spoke volumes for that last grimly determined effort at summer that one major supermarket was sold out of charcoal and another only had a few bags left which I bought.

Who knows when the next barbecue will be fired up but we all still have something to look forward to. Christmas Eve is 15 weeks the day after tomorrow!

A CHARITY dog show attracted hundreds of people to enjoy a sunny day out, watching dogs and various displays and browsing the stalls.

There was a bewildering array of dog equipment, dog clothing and dog food including one stall where all the cooking stops had been pulled out to produce the last word in doggie dinners.

There were miniature turkey, chicken and beef pies all beautifully arrayed in little baskets so owners could choose a selection for their pet.

One man with a Heinz varieties dog spent some time making his mind up before buying two pies.

He’d barely taken three steps away from the stall when he was scolded by his wife.

She said: “David, don’t eat that! They’re for dogs!”

It seemed that hunger had blunted the man’s perceptions, he’d seen the pies and just assumed it was one of several stalls where food was being sold for human consumption!

Fast food driving

EVERYONE knows that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but there is such a variety of snacks to choose from.

The other morning when I was out and about it appeared that the people’s choice was a sandwich, closely followed by pies or cereal bars of some description all washed down with cups of coffee or tea.

What about the traditional English fry-up, I hear you ask? Surely that should feature high on the list?

Well I’m sure it does... but not while driving a vehicle because all the meals and drinks I have listed were being consumed one handed by drivers travelling from Weymouth to Dorchester!

It was incredible. The first person I saw was a man with his face stuffed into a pie in a paper bag and within minutes I saw literally a dozen drivers, all chomping or slurping away at breakfast.

One man did manage to keep both hands on the wheel but his right clutched a half-eaten sandwich while his left actually balanced a carton of tea or coffee on top of the wheel.

It brought a whole new meaning to the expression “fast food society,” but personally I like drivers with all their mind focused on their driving and the road ahead.

Boot Hill junction dangerous drivers

THAT lovely road junction at Boot Hill is still freaking drivers out in Weymouth.

The latest motorist to lose the plot was a woman coming up Boot Hill who was seen to be wildly flapping her hands about and pointing back the way they had come to her passenger.

They had clearly missed the right turn off the junction towards Asda and were being forced away in rush hour traffic from the direction they wanted to go.

So what did she do? Well there was clearly only one course of action open to her... so she smartly executed a U-turn in the middle of Boot Hill full in the face of oncoming traffic, giving a cheery wave to the white-faced driver nearest to her before casually joining traffic heading for Asda!

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