WARNING: May contain nuts

EXAMPLES of how we have all become victims of the Nanny State are legion and a Weymouth man has sent me a few more champions of cautious stupidity.

A national supermarket was up there with the best, printing this caution on its peanuts - “Warning: contains nuts” - while more ink was wasted by a certain chemist’s warning on their children’s cough medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medicine”!

Another High Street outlet also offered useful advice on their bread pudding that “Product will be hot after heating” while who could argue with another national concern which warned on its hair dryer packaging “Do not use while sleeping”.

Equally useful was the advice from a national company selling irons “Do not iron clothes on body”… presumably because you will crease up with laughter.

Other gems included a national sleep aid which alerted “Warning: May cause drowsiness” and Christmas lights which stressed they were for indoor or outdoor use only!

International corporate brains would also appear to need oiling with advice on a Japanese food processor cautioning “Not to be used for the other use” while an American airline helped passengers enjoy their packet of nuts by advising “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts”!

It was almost a given that a child’s Superman costume should caution “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”, but I’ll end with my personal favourite piece of advice.

It was on a Swedish chainsaw and it read: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals”!

LOCAL councils are a law unto themselves as an innocent householder recently found out when he approached one Dorset council about an extension to his home.

The man’s children were growing up and he needed more space, so he had an architect draw up plans for an extension.

But this was a canny man and he didn’t want to waste a load of money applying for a scheme the authority didn’t like, so he paid a fee for a council staff member to come round and see his plans and offer some advice.

There was much horrified head shaking the moment the council visitor saw the plans, so the man asked him what the council did like that would fit in with his aims. A friendly and informative conversation then took place about gables, roofs and other extension chit-chat at the end of which the man instructed his architect to change the plans to reflect what he’d been told.

Quietly confident, the man then put a planning application in to the council concerned… and was refused permission to build his extension!

It emerged that his approach to the council still entitled him to submit one more scheme on the subject, but the architect was worried when he suggested they might as well just bang in the original plans that had so horrified the visiting council member of staff.

And after a chat that is just what they did... and the council passed his scheme!

Battle of the insects

MAN’S battle to keep insects at bay costs billions each year and unwanted intruders are nowhere more obvious than in a teashop with outdoor seating.

The scent of jam, honey and sweet cakes proves irresistible to wasps who are persistent to the point of fanaticism in their efforts to get at the sugary treasure.

So you might expect a quality outlet like Upwey Wishing Well to muster everything from electronic zappers, sprays and chemicals to maze bottles where the wasps can get in but not out.

However, staff use none of this outside but have opted instead to empower customers to defend themselves with a somewhat less high-tech approach.

If wasps pester a table then customers are given an old plastic lid from an ice-cream tub to bat the pests away! As staff said, easy to use and free.

Aussie gaffe

THIS gaffe by an Australian Olympic website is one to treasure.

They are clearly getting very excited about the sailing events here and have obviously left no stone unturned in their efforts to dig up as much information as they can about the venue.

The website looks forward to some serious bashing of Pommy sailors who are bound to be

swept away by the all conquering mariners from Down Under when they contest the Olympic sailing events at Weymouth and Portland National Sailing Academy.

Now England is a long way from Australia and clearly the website recognised this, so it decided to whet Aussie appetites by showing off its grasp of local knowledge by detailing just exactly where in England the Academy is.

The website did this with swaggering confidence, describing the Academy as being “located in the seaside town of Dorset!”

By way of a response and to help all our sailors grasp where their Antipodean opponents are based, they come from a small piece of land off the coast of New Zealand.

www.viewfromonline.co.uk