Wednesday, 7 January 2015


So many resolutions...

WALKING home in pitch darkness, stumbling over people’s rubbish bins or boxes while negotiating discarded bottles and cracker hats is a sobering way of mulling over New Year’s resolutions.

You realise that having that last glass of bubbly before bidding friends a cheery farewell may not have been quite the good idea it seemed at the time, and you resolve to practice moderation more in 2015.

Three men who pass you bellowing ‘Singing in the Rain’ on a cold dry night provide you with your next resolution which is to try and keep a much firmer grip on reality, although the  twirled umbrellas did look pretty good.

By the time you make it out of the street and on to the main road you’ve had to tack round several pavement helpings of what could have been Pringles and diced carrots. It’s difficult to tell and, with a shudder, you resolve to make 2015 the year you treat your body with more respect.

Over the next half mile or so you are entertained by a procession of individuals weaving right across the road in search of a stable walking surface and you resolve to try and be more understanding with challenged people even if they do greet you with: “Nappy Nu Here. Oh God I feel shick!”

Eventually you make it home, lock the door and go into the kitchen for a sobering glass of water only to come across the washing up you left undone in your haste to get round to your friends and start the celebrations. The latest resolution is never forget to clean out tuna tins. The whole room stinks.

Yes, New Year resolutions can have many triggers. What will be yours and how long will you stick with them? The next year will provide you with your answers. Be strong!


...and so much tat

ROLL up, roll up, roll up! Announcing a sale of unwanted Christmas presents at knock-down bargain prices!

First up there is the ‘stylish’  T-shirt displaying a picture of a toothless octogenarian peeing into a goldfish pond with the cutting edge cerebral message: “Old men do it standing up!” Yours for a £5 donation to the mental health charity of your choice.

Next we come to a stainless steel device with vomit yellow handle for peeling cranberries. Every home should have one... except mine. Yours for £2 or a box of cranberries.

And who could resist this cute pullover illustrated with a sad-eyed puppy dog next to a chewed slipper? Answer: I can... and it’s yours for £12.50, a barkgain for the price of a dog licence.

Finally I can offer a tasteful selection of socks, some with snowmen, some with Santas and a hilarious one with reindeer droppings on it. Bound to provide a laugh at the next committee meeting. A quid each to you.

Finally, for £1,000 and no time wasters please, I offer a home addresses list of the manufacturers who make this that so you can get in touch with them about your own personal Christmas woes. Now that is a bargain!


Have your say on how your money’s spent

PORTLANDERS got a bit more than a Christmas card through their letterboxes this festive season.

They were notified of a chance to put their views forward on what the island’s 2015-2016 precept might be, how it might be spent and in what quantities.

Leaving aside the more wasteful suggestions such as splashing out on another piece of public artwork, islanders know their own minds and ideas have included better facilities for youth and the elderly and greater focus on Portland’s history to help generate more jobs such as those already in the pipeline with MEMO and Jurassica.

Sadly Portland’s drive to involve its residents in financial decision making is for money over and above that levied by the borough council, so the people of Weymouth don’t have quite the same opportunity to comment on spending.

If they did then there might be a few questions aimed at the desirability of council staff emigrating to West Dorset based at Dorchester, at how income can be generated to plug the loss of Condor revenue and help shore up harbour maintenance, and at how key council assets can be used to greater effect.

Weymouth’s turn will come in a couple of months time when crucial budget meetings are planned. Don’t miss them if you want to have your say on how your money might be spent.


Bangs and a whimper

DID you get much sleep on New Year’s Eve once you’d gone wearily to bed?

No, neither did I because of all the fireworks going off. 

Those in my area started about 7pm and were still going off with gay abandon at 12:30am.

Some were exploding really close and a couple sounded like they went off outside my bedroom window which really made me jump.

So by the time things really calmed down it must have been well past 1.00am, giving me a brief lull until people started coming noisily home between 2am and 5am.

Then all too soon it was dawn and time to totter downstairs for a cup of tea and get used to a new year. Hope yours is a really good one!

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